


Coming Out

by 7Angel_Tongue7



Series: Table-Legs and Buttered Bread [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexuality, Aziraphale Is Confused, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Bisexuality, Coming Out, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Fluff and cuddles, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), God is Genderfluid (Good Omens), Holding Hands, Labels Are Nice, Labels are hard, M/M, Not-Much-Of-A-Mention, Not-Really, Pansexual Character, Queer Themes, Reading A Book During Serious Conversations, Soft Warning for Mention of Hate Crime, Sort-Of-Coming-Out, The Importance of Reading Books with A Demon's Head In Your Lap, crowley feels guilty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27640556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7Angel_Tongue7/pseuds/7Angel_Tongue7
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale have another conversation! (This time about coming out.) And Aziraphale is confused.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Table-Legs and Buttered Bread [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020652
Kudos: 14





	Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> I'm imagining here what two being who've been on Earth for 6,000 years, and don't really have our ideas about gender and sexuality would talk about if they talked about coming out, and what they would find useful in human language and what they wouldn't find useful. I've tried to imagine, not what I think, but what Aziraphale or Crowley would think. Ventriloquising them (figuratively speaking) helps me imagine different possibilities - and have fun. I hope you have fun too.

It’s seven days after the end of the world. Aziraphale and Crowley are on Aziraphale’s sofa in the upstairs flat above the bookshop. The fire is going. Crowley has his head on Aziraphale’s lap. Aziraphale is reading a book.  
“Angel?”  
“Yes, dear?”  
“D’you think I should come out?”  
“Come out?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Come out of where?”  
“No! As...well. Whatever it is I am. We are.”  
“I don’t know what you mean, Crowley.”  
“Well, y’know. Humans seem to think it’s important. Holding hands in public. Going to pride parades. I mean, we are a bit queer aren’t we?”  
“Queer, yes quite. An angel and a demon Crowley, I’d say we were a bit odd.”  
“No! I mean, our sexuality is queer.”  
“Is that what they’re calling it these days? I had no idea.”  
“Don't be difficult, Angel!”  
“I’m sorry, dear. It’s just, you know I don’t like talking about these things.”  
“Yes, angel, I know. But that’s the point you see. Humans have words for these things now. You like words. Special, technical terms.”  
“They do? What are you then?”  
“Well I’m pansexual aren’t I? Doesn’t really matter what gender someone is. Also a bit - what’s the word? Into drag? Am I into drag? Or genderfluid or something? I liked being Nanny Astoreth. Don't think it was about dressing up, really. Not like we've got biological sex or anything, without the body.”  
“I liked Nanny Astoreth too. Very sharp... skirt.”  
“Thank you, angel.”  
“But I don’t see why there has to be a word for that. You’re just... Crowley. There’s no-one else like you. And it’s not like you care much what the humans think anyway.”  
“Well, no. But we’re pretty… invested in the world, right?”  
“Of course, dear.”  
“Yeah. Fightin’ off Satan, savin’ the whales, all that stuff.”  
“Yes, quite.”  
“Well, coming out’s a... gesture. Like saying – we’re not so different from you. We’re… on your side.”  
“I thought we were on our side, Crowley”  
“Y’know what I mean, angel.”  
“So, what does it involve? Coming out?”  
“It’s like - a human ritual. You tell everyone about your identity. Like “hey mum and dad, you might not have expected this but - I think I’m gay – or lesbian, or pansexual, or bisexual, or whatever it is.” And then they either go “I love you, no matter what” or - not.”  
“That sounds horrible. But we don’t have parents. It’s not like anyone has to come out to the Almighty. She knows everything. And she’s always messing around with gender. She changes it up all the time.”  
“Yeah but she always used to be a man with the humans, remember. Limitations of human knowledge and all that. Got to appear powerful in a way they understand.”  
“And they believed that? The Almighty, Creator of the Universe, Enigmatic Card-player with Fate is just... a man? An ordinary man?”  
“I think it’s more like Caesar on his grand old throne, angel. Anyway, they don’t all think that. The real gender of God is... ineffable.”  
“I like ineffable.”  
“But that’s what I mean, angel.”  
“What about it?”  
“Well, it’s a bit of a cop-out, isn’t it? God’s gender is indeterminate, always changing, sometimes a man, and (but we don’t talk about this part) sometimes a woman. Three persons in one, one of whom is ... spirit stuff... definitely genderless. And oh there’s all these fancy new words for that, because it turns out... you know, even human gender is complicated, and boom, we’re just not going to use any of them. Because God is... ineffable.”  
“But, Crowley, you can hardly blame them. The Almighty was hardly explicit about it, was she? All the books describe them as him. Except for those couple of passages in the prophets, and a few of the mystics... That anchoress in the church of Julian of Norwich was a lovely woman, I have a first edition of hers somewhere in my special shelves...”  
“Angel!”  
“Sorry Crowley.”  
“It’s not the point, angel. I mean, it’d be helpful right? Give people someone to look up to? All those religious nuts, they’d be pretty upset right?”  
“They’d probably say it was because you were a demon, dear.”  
“…prob’bly.”  
“But look, Crowley, I don’t know much about this, but I don’t think you should do anything just because it might make other people feel better. You’re important too. How would you feel about it?”  
“Dunno. Sometimes I feel guilty y’know. Remember those murders in... what was it.... 1991?”  
“1989-1990.”  
“That’s the ones.”  
“What about them?”  
“They made me feel... lucky I supp’se. Like, here’s me not that different from you but way more powerful and also protected by my heavenly Mother/Father and my hellish definitely-father-not-father and all these powers. And you’re brave - being out, risking everything - and now you’re dead. And being out wouldn’t cost me anything, really, but it might help.”  
“Why didn’t you … come out then?”  
“Well, being pansexual is a bit complicated innit. And Downstairs wouldn’t have approved. Too good. Affirming. Adopting human words. I s’ppose I could’ve spun it. Hellish sexuality, inciting anger in the conservatives, that sort of thing. But I didn’t have the heart.”  
“I suppose things are different now.”  
“Yeah. Now we’re on our side. So what d’you think, angel.”  
Crowley lifts his head off Aziraphale’s lap and strokes his cheek.  
“I think you should do what makes you happy, Crowley. And if you want to hold hands in public, I think we should.”  
“Thanksss angel.”  
Crowley flops back onto Aziraphale’s lap. Aziraphale strokes his hair and goes back to his book. A few minutes later.  
“Crowley?”  
“Yeah, angel?”  
“Is there a word for what I am?”  
“Not wanting sex, you mean?”  
“Yes.”  
“They call it asexual, angel. And then you’d be... homoromantic? Don’t think I’ve ever seen you crushing on a woman. Don’t think I’ve seen you crushing on anyone.”  
“No. No-one except you, Crowley.”  
“Oh. I didn’t know that, angel.”  
“Well, it’s true.”  
“Would you come out, angel?”  
“I’m not one for big displays, you know that Crowley. No big crowds either. Those parades make such a racket.”  
“Y’don’t have to go to parades to come out angel. Don’t have to tell anyone anything either. Holding my hand in public’d be like coming out, a bit. Not as ace, but as queer.”  
“Then that’s what I’ll do.”  
“Y’don’t want things to be more on your terms, angel?”  
“The words are changing all the time, Crowley. People will think whatever they think. The only person I’m interested in being understood by is you. And you understand me without the words.”  
“Some people like the words. Makes them feel part of something. Accepted.”  
“Is that how they make you feel?”  
“Yeah. Like I’m... human. Like I don’t belong to Hell anymore. Hell doesn’t care what your identity is, s’long as you do what you’re told. Heaven too, I guess.”  
“Yes, dear. I suppose that makes sense.”  
“You don’t feel like that?”  
“No, Crowley. I never felt I was hiding myself. It was horrible hiding you, hiding my feelings for you, even when I thought we were only friends and I couldn’t even say that out loud. But we don’t have to do that anymore. So more than that, doesn’t matter. I’m in a relationship with you. Who besides you and me needs to know anything else?”  
Crowley turns into Aziraphale’s side. Aziraphale picks up his book. A few minutes later.  
“Crowley?”  
“Yeah, angel?”  
“Do you really not mind?”  
“Mind what, angel?”  
“That I don’t want to... you know.”  
Aziraphale is blushing.  
“’Course not, angel. I’m in love with you. Sex is overrated anyway.”  
“I just... well I was just thinking. About what you were saying, about what people would think. Do you think people would think that it was… unfair? An asexual gay angel. If I’m not really doing anything but kissing and holding hands, it’s hardly a protest against… all that – love the sinner hate the sin thingamajig – is it? No sin to hate?”  
“I don’t think you need to care what anyone thinks, angel. You’re you, not a political statement. And we’re in love, and we were still in love even when we never talked about it. It’s still all real. Feelin's are.”  
“Well, that’s all right then.”  
“Alright. ‘M probably gonna fall asleep, angel.”  
“All right. Stay there?”  
“Yeah angel. G’night.”  
“Goodnight, Crowley. Sleep well.”  
Aziraphale leaves his fingers in Crowley’s hair and reads with one hand for the rest of the night.


End file.
